In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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