Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
did i walk over a car last night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Randomize
