I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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