I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
