we're blogging at a bar
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
