I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
two words...techno handjob
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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