Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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