I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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