i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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