i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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