So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
