Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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