you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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