now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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