Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
operation have a gay friend backfired
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
