Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
