Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
