i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
