when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Randomize
