Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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