wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
