after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize