Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
