so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
