I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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