Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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