She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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