haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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