I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize