I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
whose parrot is this?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
