I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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