So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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