The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
