To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
