I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
