i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
