You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
