hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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