hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
