woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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