I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize