i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize