You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
