Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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