xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
