Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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