Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
