she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize