Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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