I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't think brook has ever known best
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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