i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
