Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
