i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
