My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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