I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
