at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
