Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
