from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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