she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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