Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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