i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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