I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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