I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
