u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
