So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
