just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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