and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
