you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
