Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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