You're completely useless in the revolution.
the condom got lost in my hair
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize