fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
